Confessions of my formerly fat self

I spent a few very terrible years as a fat person. Actually, to be honest, I spent them as an obese person. I didn't grow up as the fat kid. So, when I found myself in that position, it was even more shocking and hard to handle. It wasn't MY norm. It wasn't MY story. But, now that I've lost the weight, I feel like my formerly fat self needs to make a few confessions. 

1. It's totally possible to be fat on the outside and skinny on the inside. It's not only possible, it's probable. In my head, I wasn't really fat. I couldn't process that I could be fat. It couldn't happen to me. It just couldn't. I was in denial. I was not honest with myself. That mirror had to be defective. My clothes must have shrunk. Seriously, something wasn't right here. Um, yeah. The thing that wasn't right was my weight. 

2. Going clothes shopping when you're fat really sucks. I remember the first time I went to buy clothes for my fat self. Up until that point, I'd been wearing spandex or drawstring pants, or big t-shirts. So, I hadn't had to shop for clothes in an actual size. There was a period of a year or two where I did not wear denim because I refused to buy larger sizes and my old jeans didn't even come close to fitting. So, here I was, in the dressing room of Mervyn's trying on new clothes. I picked all of these cute outfits in the size that I was in my head, the size I was SUPPOSED to be. I went into the dressing room and literally couldn't even get one leg into the pants, couldn't get the tops over my shoulders, couldn't even come close to fitting into the dresses. I was shocked. I was mad. I was devastated. I left the dressing room and the store sobbing and didn't shop for clothes in a store for a long long time after that.  

3. You lie to yourself about your health. I remember telling myself that I wasn't unhealthy, I was just a little overweight. I never had high cholesterol, I never had high blood pressure or high blood sugar. I wasn't diabetic. I must be healthy, right? Um, no. No, I wasn't. Little did I know that I was pretty close to death. Little did I know that my thyroid was on strike. Little did I know that I would later be told that I literally could have dropped dead at any moment. So, while my obesity wasn't caused by years of binge eating and lack of activity, it was still a window into my health that I shouldn't have ignored. 

4. Being fat is super depressing. I don't care if you are one of those people who thinks you can "own it" if you're overweight, or if you are like most people and wish you'd suddenly wake up thin, it's super depressing to be fat. There is nothing happy about not feeling good about yourself. There is nothing fun about not having clothes that fit. There is nothing good about not being able to do things you want to do because you simply aren't physically capable. You can lie to yourself, you can rationalize things or make excuses, but at the end of the day, it's just sad. And the only way to fix it is to take control. 

5. Avoiding mirrors, windows, and photos can become a serious talent. Think about it. How many times have you heard yourself asking to be cropped out of a picture, or to pose a certain way to avoid showing your belly or butt? How many times have you gotten dressed and avoided looking in the mirror? Do you avoid seeing your reflection in store windows when you're shopping? You don't do these things because you're proud of yourself. No, you do these things because you don't like the way you look. And, even if you won't admit it to anyone else or to yourself, your actions speak volumes. 

6. Finally taking control is AMAZINGLY EMPOWERING!! No matter if you gained weight due to a health condition or due to a pie and chip addiction, there is no better feeling than taking control of your health and your weight. Fight with doctors and be your own health advocate if you have to. Learn all you can about healthy eating. Work your butt off (quite literally) and do some form of exercise every single day. Make it your mission to take control. Make it your most important job to do whatever it takes to lose the weight and take control of your health. It's not easy and there are no quick fixes or magic pills. But, the feeling of taking control and changing your health and your life are AMAZING! There is no better feeling than the sense of accomplishment knowing that only hard work and dedication got you to the finish line. 

Do you have a fitness bucket list?

Many people have a bucket list of things they want to accomplish before they die. But, do you have a fitness bucket list? Like I always say, it's not about weight. It's about overall fitness and living a healthy lifestyle. So, I suggest making a list of things you want to accomplish in your overall fitness that don't have anything to do with the number on the scale.

It's great to keep a list of fitness goals that you want to accomplish and then check them off the list as you reach each goal. Seeing your progress on paper can be a great visual and can really help motivate you to keep going and keep working towards even more goals. Add to your list often and check it often to see if you're still making progress towards your goals.

What kinds of things should be on a fitness bucket list? It can include anything that you can't physically do yet, but want to be able to accomplish. Your goals should be SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-based) like in any other goal-setting scenario. That means, don't make goals that are impossible to achieve. So, if you have had knee surgery, don't set a goal to run a marathon. If you've got a bad back, don't set goals to bench press 200 pounds. Make sure that your goals are attainable and that they are something you will want to work to achieve. If it doesn't excite you, it won't motivate you to push yourself to succeed.

In the picture, you can see a sample of my fitness bucket list. Some of the things on there were put on there when I first started my journey. The most basic one was to be able to get up from a seated position without using my hands. That may seem silly or not worthy of putting on a bucket list, but when you're seriously out of shape and overweight, it's impossible to get up without using your hands to push yourself up off the chair. The day when I'd strengthened my muscles enough to do that was one of the greatest accomplishments in my fitness journey. Simple things like that actually speak to your overall health and fitness level and your quality of life moving forward. Functional fitness is just as important, if not more important than being able to do crazy things like handstand push-ups (also on my list).

So, think about the things you can't do, but want to be able to do and write them down. Think of things like walking up a flight of stairs without being winded, walking a mile without stopping, running a block, etc. Then, build from there. Start simple. Start small, and then add the harder goals. Keep challenging yourself. Keep striving for greatness. And keep dreaming of doing things that seemed impossible once but will quickly become not only possible but easy. And add to your list often.

What things will you put on your list?

Moderation or Elimination?

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "everything in moderation" when it comes to eating. But, there are also plenty of diet plans and so-called health gurus that stress eliminating certain foods and food groups all together. So, which is it? Should you practice moderation or elimination?

Elimination: This is when you cut out a certain food or group of foods forever (or as close to forever as you can humanly manage). Some common foods that people eliminate are carbs, grains, dairy, high glycemic foods, sugar, artificial sugar, nuts, legumes, fruits, gluten, soy, etc.

Moderation: This means that you generally try to stay away from certain foods and food groups, but you're not going to die if you eat a slice of cake at a birthday party, or there's cheese on your gluten free pizza.

OK, so here's my take on elimination vs. moderation. First of all, you need to know what you're putting in your body. So, that means you read labels, you journal your foods, and you keep track of how you feel when you eat X,Y, or Z. With that being said, elimination should only be practiced if you have a specific food allergy or intolerance. If you are allergic to dairy, then ELIMINATE it. If you have celiac disease, then ELIMINATE gluten. If you are like me and your autoimmune disease is triggered by certain foods (like grains) then ELIMINATE those foods. But, if you are just on the latest fad diet and trying to keep up, then elimination is NOT for you.

Elimination is difficult. Let me repeat that: Elimination is difficult. Even if you have amazing will power, unless you live in a controlled bubble and never eat out or let anyone else prepare your food (like at a birthday party), you can't realistically eliminate foods in their entirety. Some gluten will sneak in,  a splash of milk will be added to a sauce somewhere, sugar will be a hidden ingredient in a restaurant, the dressing will contain soy, etc. I'm not saying that you should give up eliminating certain things from your diet if you have a medical NEED to do so. But, I am saying that you can't expect it to be easy.

For me personally, I strive to be gluten free, grain free, soy free, refined sugar free, and mostly dairy free (cheese happens LOL). But, I also know that when we eat out that's near impossible. I know that there are times when my kids will eat something that I try to avoid and I'll end up eating their leftovers. I also know that organic tortilla chips are incredibly addicting and my one major weakness. But, I also know that to the best of my knowledge, I'm not ALLERGIC to the things I try to avoid. I do, however, have Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism (an autoimmune disease) and avoiding these things makes a huge difference in how I feel and how my thyroid is controlled. So, if I eat grains, I notice the difference in the way I feel. I become more tired, I have intestinal issues, and I am even prone to breakouts. But, I'm also human and sometimes a girl just needs a bowl of chips!

So, unless you're dealing with a specific medical need to eliminate certain foods, I'd advise you to practice moderation. Moderation is much more realistic for most people. Moderation is much easier to maintain over time, and therefore, will keep you on track with your health and fitness goals in the long run.

What do your pictures say about you?

Too often, we focus on the number the scale tells us. We let us be defined and controlled by what that number is and what is says about us. The thing is, that number is the least of your worries. Of course you want to be healthy, and get your weight to a healthy level that you and your doctor agree about. But, there is something much more important than your weight. So, what is it?

Your confidence and how you feel about your body is a million times more important than your weight in numbers. Often times, when someone starts a weight loss program, they feel discouraged by their lack of progress. That is often caused because of the number on the scale not moving as quickly as they'd like to see it move. But, honestly, I couldn't care less what that number on the scale is. I'm not concerned with that number, for me or for you. I'm only concerned with how I feel, how my clothes fit, and how strong I am physically. The number on the scale is irrelevant.

Does that mean that you can stuff your face with junk and become a permanent couch potato? Absolutely NOT! But, it means that instead of obsessing about the scale, you should look inside yourself and really see how you feel. One thing that really breaks my heart is when I see people I love struggling with weight. I've been there and it's not a fun place to be. Some people are in denial and don't think they need to lose weight, and feel like being 300 pounds and sedentary is somehow healthy (it's not). Let me say this again, I don't care how much you weigh. I really don't. I'm not here to judge you or call you fat. But, if I can see that you're not happy, then something needs to change.

There are some people who will tell you that they're happy. They'll say that they're confident and proud of their bodies. But, actions speak louder than words. If you refuse to be photographed, or you photoshop or edit every picture taken of you until it looks nothing like you, then you have a problem. If you constantly hide behind people, strollers, tables, children, purses, or anything under the sun that you can put in front of you before a picture is taken, you have a problem. If you know how to "work the angles" in every single picture, you have a problem.

I'm not saying any of this to be judgmental. What I am saying is that you might not realize you're doing these things, but take a look at your photos and think about what your actions and body language says about you. Trust me, I've been in that place, and it was not a happy time in my life. Nobody is saying you have to lose 50, 75, or 100 pounds or more. Even if losing only 5 pounds puts you in a better mindset, then do it. It could be that simply getting to the point of walking a mile, or doing 2 push ups, or climbing a flight of stairs without being winded is your goal. Those are all great goals. And if accomplishing those goals will make you truly happy and give you greater confidence, then set your mind to do them.

It would be great to see pictures of people confidently standing in front of the camera, without anything blocking them and smiling a big and confident smile. It would be great to see pictures without editing and photoshopping, without props and good lighting and taken from the right angle. Your confidence, or lack thereof, shines through in your photographs more than you realize. By putting forth only the best edited, best lit, and perfectly manipulated photographs of yourself, you're only creating a fake image that is impossible to maintain over time. You're sending the message that you're not good enough and that you need all of this editing to be accepted. If you have kids, you're sending them the message that they should be ashamed of their bodies. Sometimes seeing yourself in these photos and realizing all the tricks you use to manipulate them can be the best motivation to get healthy. I can tell you from personal experience that the feeling of being able to stand proudly in front of the camera without any tricks is one of the best feelings there is.

Unfortunately, there's no easy way to bring up the topic of health and weight loss with someone close to you without them taking it the wrong way. Too often, people are so guarded about their health and fitness and will take any kind of advice as criticism, even if that's not how it's intended at all. That kind of reaction should be your first sign that something needs to change. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: to truly be successful in a health and weight loss journey, you need to look within. You need to find your motivation, find your purpose, and find out what bothers you the most. Don't kid yourself or you'll never succeed. And, if you need help along the way, don't be ashamed to reach out to others who've been through the same journey.

Why drive everywhere? Get moving instead!

One of the best ways you can get in shape is to just add in extra bits of exercise here and there to your normal routine. A lot of people say they don't have time to devote to a long workout, but you can easily add in short bursts of exercise here and there and do some real good for your health and body. 

The picture above shows my day yesterday. We get a box of organic veggies delivered weekly. We pick up at a central location in our town. So, instead of driving to pick them up yesterday, I rode my tricycle to the pickup. That's #1 in the picture. The produce box fit nicely in the basket of my tricycle and added a little weight to my ride home (#2). Then later in the evening, I rode over to my personal trainer's house (#3) and worked out in small group personal training (#4) and then rode home (#5). 

I could have driven to pick up our produce, and I could have driven to training. But, doing it this way let me enjoy the beautiful weather (although we did have some gusty winds on the #3 ride). And, I got to enjoy the scenery more and burn a few extra calories too. I got in an extra 12.78 miles yesterday that I would not have logged if I was driving. 

When the weather is nice, I try to jog, walk, or ride anywhere I can to get in that little bit of extra exercise. My feeling is that if you're blessed with the physical ability to do so, you should get moving as much as you can. And, you save a little gas in your car and do something nice for the environment at the same time. 

Tell me how you plan to get moving this week. I'd love to hear how you add in extra exercise to your normal routine. 

Can I really lose weight and get fit using exercise DVD's?

The infomercials are everywhere. The before and after photos are all over the Internet. So, you see these DVD's advertised and wonder if they're too good to be true. Could you ACTUALLY lose weight at home by turning on a DVD?

The answer is yes and no. Exercise DVD's can be amazingly helpful when you're trying to lose weight. Especially if you're busy and don't have access to a gym nearby, or childcare for your kids while you workout. But, just like any other exercise program, you actually have to do it in order to succeed. Don't think that you can buy a program and then do the workouts once in a blue moon and see results. Those people in the before and after pictures worked their butts off to get to their goal. They didn't slack. They made a commitment to follow whatever exercise plan it was and to eat clean while doing it. They didn't just call the 800 number, order the program and then pray. There is still a ton of hard work and dedication involved using at home workout DVD's.

With that being said, DVD workouts can be EXCELLENT. But, you have to find a program that fits your needs both with time and ability. Some programs are geared towards athletes who just need a refresher. Some are geared towards postpartum moms who may need modified exercises to avoid injury. Some are mostly cardio based programs, and some are mostly weight training. There are even yoga, pilates, and dance programs out there. But, you have to be realistic with both your abilities and expectations.

For instance, when I started my journey, I wanted to do Insanity. I'd seen the infomercials. I'd drooled over the before and after pictures and wished they were mine. But, I also knew that at the time, I was more than 100 pounds OVERWEIGHT. Realistically, I knew that if I tried to do Insanity I would have either done serious damage to my body, or I would have given up quickly because I lacked the physical ability to do the workout. So, I lost the first 47 pounds on my own (which you can read about here) and then jumped into the Insanity program.

It was perfect for me because I had 3 kids at the time who ranged in age from infant to 7 years old. My husband works weird, ever-changing shifts, so finding childcare to go to the gym (which is about a 40 minute drive anyway) wasn't an option. So, I would put my kids to bed and pop in my Insanity DVD's right in my living room and get to work. It worked great for me. I lost the rest of my weight that way, and gained a lot of muscle and endurance that I never had before. It also ignited a fire in me to do more and challenge myself even further. They're also good when you need a quick workout at home as a supplement to whatever you're currently doing. You can just pop in a workout disc and burn some quick calories without a lot of planning and preparation. I've used other DVD programs since then.  But, like any exercise program, they only work if you do them and you commit to completing the program. And, please check with your doctor before you start any exercise program.

How bad do you want it?

Weight loss can be so incredibly difficult. Staying on track can be difficult. Add in an auto-immune disease and a house full of kids and it can seem impossible. But, it's not impossible at all. It just depends on how bad you want to be healthy.

Ask yourself one simple question: How bad do you want it? "It" can be losing weight, gaining muscle, getting in shape, running that half marathon, lifting heavier, or doing some crazy exercise you never thought possible. Whatever "it" is for you, you need to decide how bad you want it. If it's something you can't stop thinking about, and strive for every day, then you need to commit to making that a focus in your life. I'm not saying you should live every single second of your day as if your life depends on hitting those goals. You still need to focus on your family and work and whatever else is important to you. But, there is a certain level of commitment that people who are successful in fitness have. And that needs to be something you strive for if you're serious about reaching your goals. 

Nobody is saying that you can never have a slice of birthday cake. Nobody is saying that you can't take a rest day. Rest days are important for both your physical and mental health. But, I am saying that if you really want to get fit and lose weight, you need to make that a priority in your life. 

So, what does that mean? It means that you stop making excuses. It means that you make tough choices. It means that instead of spending your day on the couch drinking lattes and binge watching Netflix, you get up and get moving. It means that you can ask your husband to watch the kids for an hour so you can go for a run. It means you can schedule your workouts like you schedule other appointments and make it a priority and an appointment you can't and won't cancel. You don't necessarily need to do crazy workout routines, but you do need to get moving. You need to be moving and active more than you're not. You need to make small changes here and there that put physical fitness and health first. Walk more, run more, do a few extra squats and jumping jacks here and there. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Pay attention to what you're putting in your mouth. Keep a food journal and be honest!

The biggest myth in weight loss is that there is some secret to doing it. The real secret is that you have to really want to succeed and you have to commit to doing it. Nobody is going to lose the weight for you. Nobody is going to make you stronger. Nobody is capable of changing you. You are the only one capable of changing yourself, and only if you truly want to. And, if you think it can't be done, think again! Surround yourself with positive people who believe in you and know your ability to succeed.