Confessions of my formerly fat self

I spent a few very terrible years as a fat person. Actually, to be honest, I spent them as an obese person. I didn't grow up as the fat kid. So, when I found myself in that position, it was even more shocking and hard to handle. It wasn't MY norm. It wasn't MY story. But, now that I've lost the weight, I feel like my formerly fat self needs to make a few confessions. 

1. It's totally possible to be fat on the outside and skinny on the inside. It's not only possible, it's probable. In my head, I wasn't really fat. I couldn't process that I could be fat. It couldn't happen to me. It just couldn't. I was in denial. I was not honest with myself. That mirror had to be defective. My clothes must have shrunk. Seriously, something wasn't right here. Um, yeah. The thing that wasn't right was my weight. 

2. Going clothes shopping when you're fat really sucks. I remember the first time I went to buy clothes for my fat self. Up until that point, I'd been wearing spandex or drawstring pants, or big t-shirts. So, I hadn't had to shop for clothes in an actual size. There was a period of a year or two where I did not wear denim because I refused to buy larger sizes and my old jeans didn't even come close to fitting. So, here I was, in the dressing room of Mervyn's trying on new clothes. I picked all of these cute outfits in the size that I was in my head, the size I was SUPPOSED to be. I went into the dressing room and literally couldn't even get one leg into the pants, couldn't get the tops over my shoulders, couldn't even come close to fitting into the dresses. I was shocked. I was mad. I was devastated. I left the dressing room and the store sobbing and didn't shop for clothes in a store for a long long time after that.  

3. You lie to yourself about your health. I remember telling myself that I wasn't unhealthy, I was just a little overweight. I never had high cholesterol, I never had high blood pressure or high blood sugar. I wasn't diabetic. I must be healthy, right? Um, no. No, I wasn't. Little did I know that I was pretty close to death. Little did I know that my thyroid was on strike. Little did I know that I would later be told that I literally could have dropped dead at any moment. So, while my obesity wasn't caused by years of binge eating and lack of activity, it was still a window into my health that I shouldn't have ignored. 

4. Being fat is super depressing. I don't care if you are one of those people who thinks you can "own it" if you're overweight, or if you are like most people and wish you'd suddenly wake up thin, it's super depressing to be fat. There is nothing happy about not feeling good about yourself. There is nothing fun about not having clothes that fit. There is nothing good about not being able to do things you want to do because you simply aren't physically capable. You can lie to yourself, you can rationalize things or make excuses, but at the end of the day, it's just sad. And the only way to fix it is to take control. 

5. Avoiding mirrors, windows, and photos can become a serious talent. Think about it. How many times have you heard yourself asking to be cropped out of a picture, or to pose a certain way to avoid showing your belly or butt? How many times have you gotten dressed and avoided looking in the mirror? Do you avoid seeing your reflection in store windows when you're shopping? You don't do these things because you're proud of yourself. No, you do these things because you don't like the way you look. And, even if you won't admit it to anyone else or to yourself, your actions speak volumes. 

6. Finally taking control is AMAZINGLY EMPOWERING!! No matter if you gained weight due to a health condition or due to a pie and chip addiction, there is no better feeling than taking control of your health and your weight. Fight with doctors and be your own health advocate if you have to. Learn all you can about healthy eating. Work your butt off (quite literally) and do some form of exercise every single day. Make it your mission to take control. Make it your most important job to do whatever it takes to lose the weight and take control of your health. It's not easy and there are no quick fixes or magic pills. But, the feeling of taking control and changing your health and your life are AMAZING! There is no better feeling than the sense of accomplishment knowing that only hard work and dedication got you to the finish line. 

Do you have a fitness bucket list?

Many people have a bucket list of things they want to accomplish before they die. But, do you have a fitness bucket list? Like I always say, it's not about weight. It's about overall fitness and living a healthy lifestyle. So, I suggest making a list of things you want to accomplish in your overall fitness that don't have anything to do with the number on the scale.

It's great to keep a list of fitness goals that you want to accomplish and then check them off the list as you reach each goal. Seeing your progress on paper can be a great visual and can really help motivate you to keep going and keep working towards even more goals. Add to your list often and check it often to see if you're still making progress towards your goals.

What kinds of things should be on a fitness bucket list? It can include anything that you can't physically do yet, but want to be able to accomplish. Your goals should be SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-based) like in any other goal-setting scenario. That means, don't make goals that are impossible to achieve. So, if you have had knee surgery, don't set a goal to run a marathon. If you've got a bad back, don't set goals to bench press 200 pounds. Make sure that your goals are attainable and that they are something you will want to work to achieve. If it doesn't excite you, it won't motivate you to push yourself to succeed.

In the picture, you can see a sample of my fitness bucket list. Some of the things on there were put on there when I first started my journey. The most basic one was to be able to get up from a seated position without using my hands. That may seem silly or not worthy of putting on a bucket list, but when you're seriously out of shape and overweight, it's impossible to get up without using your hands to push yourself up off the chair. The day when I'd strengthened my muscles enough to do that was one of the greatest accomplishments in my fitness journey. Simple things like that actually speak to your overall health and fitness level and your quality of life moving forward. Functional fitness is just as important, if not more important than being able to do crazy things like handstand push-ups (also on my list).

So, think about the things you can't do, but want to be able to do and write them down. Think of things like walking up a flight of stairs without being winded, walking a mile without stopping, running a block, etc. Then, build from there. Start simple. Start small, and then add the harder goals. Keep challenging yourself. Keep striving for greatness. And keep dreaming of doing things that seemed impossible once but will quickly become not only possible but easy. And add to your list often.

What things will you put on your list?